Imperfect Me | Bridget Jones Syndrome

Imperfect Me | Bridget Jones Syndrome

Hello. Hello to all the wonderful ‘yous’ who have stuck around long enough to read this post.

It’s been a few months since my last update. I cannot apologise enough for this virtual hibernation – to you and myself. But, sometimes life really does get in the way. I’ve thought about writing this post for weeks (months) and have convinced myself hundreds of times to delete, clear all history, step away from the screen and back inside my head. But now, if i’m honest, my brain really has reached full capacity. The wires are crossed the hard drive needs to be rebooted and I need to get this out there to another place, another cloud. It’s time to put pen to paper (fingers to keypad) and share a little bit of where i’ve been with you.  

For years I have put the way I am down to what I call ‘Bridget Jones Syndrome’: an unconscious act of very British suppression/general lack of self worth, that typically results in hours spent crying over ice-cream and feeling generally blue. The doctors call this something else. Something more clinical, something less Warner Bros (severe anxiety and depression). This diagnosis does not scare me. I have been through the routine countless times. The very public anxiety attacks. The very private punishment, the very vocal healing. I’ve had years of practice dealing with more than Bridget, and until recently I thought she was part of my past. I classified these Bridget Jones tendencies – binge eating/purging, manic episodes, grey days/weeks and the scars that go with it as components of a past which made me who I am today: someone stronger, someone better. However recently, despite being happier in some ways than I have been in years, she has started to feature more in my life. Like an old friend you spot in a café and try to avoid. 

As I chart the last six months in my head I realise how happy I have been (truly). My friends are unparalleled. Old and new, these people have kept me afloat without even knowing. They are my silver linings and I thank God for their kindness and love. Discounting anxiety, which for me, will always demand a daily strategy ( the constant assessment of what could bring on an attack) my mental health issues have been categorised as situational. This means that a combination of concrete reasons, which I won’t go into but have written about before, have induced my increased susceptibility to feelings of depression. Recently though it’s more difficult to pin-point the whys. I know I have spread myself too thin, I know I have had no time to re-group, to work out where i’m going, I know I have made people happy, I know I have let people down.

And that’s it. That’s the crux of it. By spreading myself too thin, saying yes to everything I have unconsciously sabotaged my own health journey. I don’t know if it’s because i’m a Leo, because I went to a very achievement driven school in my formative years, because I have big dreams, but I connect my happiness directly to my achievements. Whether it is something small – a compliment, validation, a good grade, a role in a production, I calculate my self worth based on accolades, badges of honour that prove i’m not failing. Because, if I can get through it I win, right? Recently someone pointed out the cracks in this strategy. They stopped me in my tracks and shattered the illusion that by functioning I was fine. They realigned my coping mechanism and forced me to understand that I wasn’t actually coping. That by just surviving I wasn’t really living. They did me a favour, but I couldn’t see that. 

My biggest fear has always been letting people down. The past few weeks alone I have had 18 hour days, working in the library, attending rehearsals, eating, learning lines, managing, eating, having attacks, eating, feeling lost, eating. I never even noticed what I was doing until I was told, not in so many words, that I had let people down. Because I wasn’t bleeding or running into traffic I decided I was healed. I decided I was in control. 

The past couple of weeks have set me back. I’ve reacted in ways that were once second nature, making a mess of my mind and punishing myself for being human. “People don’t know how to help you when you’re like this”. “People don’t know how to reach out”. “It’s okay”. “I’m fine”. You make yourself the butt of their jokes, you focus your energy into cracking smiles and deflecting attention, you try not to cry in front of them. You know they love you, you know the good ones will always be there. You go home. You phone home. You realise, you are not okay. You make a list, you start to take care of the ‘you’ you have neglected for WEEKS. You remember someone loves you. You nurse your scars, you cry a little. You are human. You start tomorrow. You take today back, today is yours. Today is for healing. Tomorrow is for change. 

At the start of this year I bought a “Happiness Planner” and since then I have kicked myself so many times for jumping on this ridiculous bandwagon. But recently my friend Hannah told me that she started writing down one positive thing about every day on her whiteboard. Forcing herself to recognise the good that she couldn’t see before (thank you Hannah, for your kindness, for a chat which actually saved me). I’ve decided to do the same, and it’s silly but it’s helping to see, on paper, that in reality that things aren’t as messy as they are in my head. I have friends that I adore, who give me that validation that everything will be okay. 

A nucleus of Annas and Hannahs, and Fionas and Esztis (okay, just one Eszti) and Robs and Cals and Joshs and Sarahs and Katies and Kirstys and Beccys and Carries and Eilidhs and Amys and Roos’ and Maxines and Mollys and Kates and Girls Like That  have given me hope. Thank you. But the rest of it is up to me. And if you feel the same way, it’s up to you – to pick yourself up and banish Bridget for good. 

This blog has saved me before, I reckon it might be the thing to save me again. Check back for new posts every week. It’s okay not to be okay.

KJ xo
Winter is Coming… Cosy Haul

Winter is Coming… Cosy Haul

Winter is coming, well it has definitely come to Glasgow! SO I thought i’d fill you in on a few bits and bobs i’ve picked up recently to make these winter winds a little more bearable. It’s tough to look good in the cold and the rain, especially when you can barely keep a hold of your umbrella, but these wintery winners should ease the storm.  

Let’s start with a winter basic, the fluffy jumper. We all have our old faithful ‘slouchy jumper’. You know the one… it’s typically reserved for time of the months, break ups, Netflix and the flu… Got it? My old faithful has seen better days so this season was definitely the right time to treat myself to a couple of basic knits, ones with a little less emotionally damage. These chunky crew necks are perfect for layering and look cute with both jeans and thick tights. I them up in New Look in both basic rust and wheat tones. These colours are perfect for that transition from autumn to winter and were a bargain at 17.99 each. 

Another warmer I picked up was this cute little beanie by ‘Reason’ for Urban Outfitters. Despite the inevitable plague that is hat hair this little guy looks very cute on a blustery morning. The deep burgundy shade is a great colour match against a classic green parka AND most importantly it will keep you toasty and warm despite the gales. £18

While we’re on the subject of wrapping up warm I recently picked up a gorgeous tartan scarf from Miss Selfridge and have worn it every day since. This thick, deep red and burgundy scarf is the perfect winter warmer, adding interest to even the simplest of outfits. A classic piece to be worn season after season – i’ll probably still be wearing it in Summer. £16

My last wardrobe pick comes in the form of these gorgeous little boots. These bad boys were a definite impulse buy (thanks ASOS) but i’ve worn them most days since. I’d like to formally apologise to my Dr Martens who feel particularly slighted by this purchase, but love is hard to disguise, and I LOVE these shoes. The fringe detail adds femininity to an otherwise androgynous design template, keeping the shoe/boot fun and chic. £60

Next up it’s all about the details. I’ve been a little Vampy as far as make up recently. My winter wardrobe is dominated by rich greens and burgundies, a trend that’s influenced my lipstick look (okay, maybe not the greens). I picked up a MAC Viva Glam in the shade III, a matte brown/red shade which makes a big impact. I love the darker look and am really trying to embrace it this season, even through to the minor details… Well you’ve got to have nails to match! (Maybeline Super Stay). 

That’s it for my winter style so far, how are you rocking your winter warmers? Let me know in the comments. 

Lots of love, 
Katy xo
One Little Haul | & One Big Apology

One Little Haul | & One Big Apology

Hello lovelies! It’s been a while… I owe you an XL, glitter coated, heart shaped apology. I haven’t blogged in weeks! I could rattle off a plethora of excuses, just becauses and i’m sorries but the truth is, sometimes life just takes us by surprise and we RUN OUT of time. So, i’ll save you the nonsense and get right back to it with a little haul. 

I was feeling a bit spendy today and my birthday money was seriously burning a hole… First stop, House of Fraser. Having drained my old faithful foundation (Laura Mercier, Silk Creme) it was operation FACE. I headed to the NARS counter to check out a product long coveted, their SHEER GLOW foundation. This product is radiant and light weight with a dewy finish. The liquid glides on the skin without clinging to imperfections. I picked it up in ‘Deaville’. 

To compliment this base I went for Tanya Burr’s favourite NARS ‘Radiant Creamy Concealer’ in the shade ‘Vanilla’. This luxurious creme glides over under-eye circles without creasing and provides medium-full coverage over blemishes – which after FRESHERS week, I have plenty of! It’s definitely an indulgent spend, but good CONCEALER is an absolute must have to brighten your eye bags and lift your mood. IF only bad decisions were covered up so easily…

NEXT UP (I know, this haul isn’t really that LITTLE) it’s time for a splash of colour. I’ve noticed recently that HULA bronzer is getting a little bit overpowering for my pasty completion. The brash brown goes on streaky and clings unflatteringly throughout the day. AS an alternative i’ve gone for something a little softer and, hopefully, more durable. NARS ‘LAGUNA’. I’ve always wanted to try this bronze and believe its olive base is better suited to someone with my OH SO WHITE complexion… What do you think?

TO complement the autumn that is fast ensuing it was time to darken up my blush. I adore ORGASM by NARS so knew i’d love the quality and consistency of their other shades. For a more autumnal hue I went for the GORGEOUS ‘SEDUCTION’. A plummy matte blush that fits perfectly into a transitional colour palate. 

LASTLY, it was time for me to replace my trusty ARBONNE ‘It’s a Long Story’ mascara with a newbie. I went for the oh-so-bloggable BENEFIT Roller Lash in black. The product promises to lift and curl… Only time will tell if it’s a keeper. 

SO I hope you can forgive my untimely absence and thank you all for sticking around. Check out my INSTAGRAM tomorrow for a preview of how this make up look comes together! @katyjjo 

Lots of love, 
Katy xoxo
Unapologetically Embarrassing

Unapologetically Embarrassing

Call it inspiration, call it madness or don’t call it anything. But, is it possible that we’ve been giving ourselves a hard time (for years) over something that isn’t our issue after all? Hear me out. What if it really is okay to be unapologetically you. The ‘you’ who makes mistakes, says the wrong thing and at the heart of it all isn’t very cool. What if the problem isn’t that you’re a little freaky, it’s that the rest of the world isn’t. Truth is, if someone doesn’t like you for ‘you’, maybe that’s not your problem. 

This isn’t some sort of get out jail free card that excuses all your bad mistakes and lapses in judgement (unfortunately). This is, instead, a little reminder that if, for whatever reason, someone has an issue with you doing ‘you’, letting your freak flag fly (and all that goes with it) then maybe they’re the ones with the problem…  Call it a nudge…  Some advice that should help you see the good in those ‘oh so awkward’ blooper moments you’ve tried to forget, and why they could be the best examples of you. 

“That’s really embarrassing Katy, I mean… Why would you say that?”
“Oh, sorry. You’re so right. I really should stop being myself, become a #basicbitch and stop doing all the things that make me different”

The perfect example of something that isn’t your problem is when you’re made to feel awkward for being who you are. 

When someone calls you out for being ‘embarrassing’ what are they REALLY saying? I guess the jist of it is that someone somewhere has decided something about you is a little out of the ordinary and that makes them uncomfortable. Whilst I hate the idea of anyone feeling uneasy in my company or whatever there are some things noone should have to apologise for. Being yourself is definitely one of them. 

I normally get that i’m a little too OTT, too into the 70’s, a little too much myself on social media and a little too clued up on Arrested Development references. Whilst I agree with all these statements, what’s the issue? I’m sure people have a lot worse qualities, I know I do. Really ladies, since when has one girls enthusiasm for decent music and Jason Bateman ever hurt anybody? I’m  first to put my hands up when i’ve said something out of turn or done something i’m not proud of, but i’m not sorry for being embarrassing. Not even a little bit. 

The thing that really sparked this post is the criticism internet dwellers (myself, bloggers, people with feelings all included) receive for their ‘online’ presence. The use and abuse of social media if you will. I apologise if i’ve been abusing the unwritten rules of Instagram, Snapchat or whatever… But tell me, how could being your true self online and in real life ever be wrong? Okay, dialling back the diva, but the point stands. Why should people have to apologise for sharing their ‘embarrassing’ truth on any platform.  I mean, that’s like Tobias apologising for being a never nude or Lucille apologising for not liking GOB. Oh damn it, i’m at it again… What i’m saying is, that’s just not your problem. 

Personally, i’ve come to terms with the fact i’m a little dorky, a little stupid and a little bit of a mess. I guess if you’re not okay with that, that’s not my problem. If me dancing to the Bee Gee’s, quoting Ru Paul pretending i’m Kimmy Schmidt and being myself upsets you on Snapchat then you really wouldn’t like me in real life and that’s not my problem. 

I’ve made plenty of mistakes which definitely are my problem and that I definitely need to sort out, online and otherwise, but trust me, being yourself is never something you should apologise for. If you don’t like the me I am in life and online unfollow. 


A huge embarrassment. Over and out 
Tech Special | Iconemesis Love

Tech Special | Iconemesis Love

Like most internet dwellers I am obsessed with my iPhone. It’s my diary, alarm clock, stalking device and selfie machine… I don’t know what i’d do with out it. Actually, I do. I’d probably do better in exams and have much better people skills, but hey ho the real world’s over rated! SO when iconemesis got in touch asking me to review one of their gorgeous phone cases I couldn’t help but say yes. 

It’s not entirely surprising that as a fashion blogger I like accessorising. Same goes for my love of phone cases, they are kind of my kryptonite and my collection is ever expanding. I was very excited to hear from this amazing brand, their cases are super cute and super affordable… What’s not to love? 

After a quick scroll I fell in love with the ‘Fifi Lapin’ range. These adorable designs feature fashionista rabbits, polkadots and pastel colours. It is as sweet as it sounds. iconsmesis sent me over this gorgeous case featuring a particularly sassy bunny in a gorgeous mauve coat. My case retails for £15, and is a beaut way to sass up your phone this summer. (available in 5c, 5, 6 & 6+). 

I’m sure you’ve caught sight of these beauties on Instagram/Pinterest by now, but if not check out the site for some amazing iPhone accessories, the brand is huge in the blogasphere and I can see why. They combine prettiness and practicality and have a range to suit everyone. 

Thank you Iconemesis for feeding my addiction, i’m in love! 

Lots of love, 
Katy xoxo
A Little Update | Finding ‘You’

A Little Update | Finding ‘You’

This post is something a little different. Sorry to disappoint but this won’t be a look inside my make up bag or a tour of my wardrobe, instead i’m going to talk you lovely readers through a little life update. In just a few months so many aspects of my life have changed entirely. I’ve stepped away from negative influences, reconnected with family and friends, rediscovered my music, met amazing people and laid exciting plans for the future. These changes have all been positive and have got me thinking about how things have a funny way of working themselves out… 

A couple of months ago I was in a pretty dark place (excuse the literary cliché, but it’s true) my anxiety was through the roof and every day was a struggle. Worst of all I didn’t speak up about it. I  found myself clinging to people who couldn’t help me for support and validation, and depending on ineffective coping mechanisms. I was on what can only be described as a self-destruct mission, feeling worthless and dealing with depression in isolation. But in a few short months things have completely turned around, and i’m so thankful! No, more than that, i’m proud. Proud that I was able to get out of my own head and learn to be happy. Truly, this summer i’m the happiest i’ve been in years, thanks to a few things… 

There is no magic ‘six step guide’ to battling your daemons and feeling positive, but here’s what’s helped me reinstall my enthusiasm for life this summer. 

  • Do it for you. This sounds like a daft first step, but it’s the only way to start on your positivity mission. For as long as I can remember I had been smiling for someone else and feeling for someone else. All this pretending for other people was getting me nowhere fast and my ambitions were put on hold by it. The only thing I allowed myself to feel for me was disappointment, never pride or happiness, they were always reserved for the ‘other’. It was this cocktail of negativity that facilitated the peak in my anxiety. Here’s what I worked out… Fundamentally, nobody else can install your self worth; and in hindsight, it’s a pretty selfish thing to expect from another person. I can’t remember exactly when I realised this, but I probably always knew it was an unfair expectation. Relying on someone to fuel your own self worth is a sure path to disappointment, especially when you’re relying on someone who is dealing with their own emotional junk (i.e. everyone). So, pull away, find your own reason to be happy – break away from relationships that are going nowhere, and live without a mission, make your only course of action finding fulfilment in achievements that are all yours. 

  • Remember what you do. Who am I? For a few years I truly felt irrelevant, in every capacity. Unnecessary at university, unwanted by my ‘friends’ and disliked by family/extended family (living in your head will do that to you). If you’re feeling a little unappreciated,  think about it. What makes you you? For me that’s aways been my music. Singing is something I put on hold after leaving school, I guess it was embarrassing to be successful and going at it alone wasn’t something people necessarily encouraged. But that’s the crux again, you’ve got to encourage yourself. How?  I started uploading covers more regularly, saying ‘yes’ when people asked me to sing at their events. Getting promo shots. Printing business cards. Before you know it, i’ve set up my own business and i’m a semi-pro function singer… Okay, HOW did that happen?! Honestly, the recipe is simple, a sprinkle of luck, a whole hug full of wonderful people and a cheeky dollop of self-belief. It is true that everything happens for a reason, but it might have happened quicker if you cut your losses and went for it earlier. 

  • Surround yourself with positivity. This is pretty clichéd (um, like everything you’ve said already Katy) but it’s so important. I completely took my pals for granted. Without going into details this time last year I was in a long term relationship and, as we all do when we’re in love I spent all my time with one person. But, this summer,  i’ve really reconnected with my girls, and wow, they are the most amazingly bonkers, golden-hearted, fun filled people I could ever hope to know. Reconnect with the people who know what to say, the people who go out with you, sip on cosmos with you, call you honey pot and make you laugh. They’re keepers and you owe them from all that time you spent being miserable around them. 
  • Lastly, make plans. This summer has been one adventure after the next and it’s only getting started. Book a train to see friends that have moved away, get tickets for that concert you’ve always wanted to see – plan a last minute girls holiday (shout out to my pals). Do things you regret (tick, tick, tick), kiss a few frogs, stay out too late, dance a little too hard to Taylor Swift in the morning, and live your life with purpose: be happy. 

Thanks for checking in guys! 

Lots of love 
Katy xoxo
Summer Skin | Rehydration

Summer Skin | Rehydration

It’s wedding season! And, that means it’s wedding guest season. Which means if you’re like me you’ll be drowning your singleton sorrows in the back row of the church as you watch gorgeous relatives and lucky in love pals tie the knot… Okay, so it’s not all bad. I mean it, there really is no better excuse for a party! For a start, the champers is usually flowing and the Cha Cha Slide will inevitably feature during the festivities, but more importantly, everyone’s happy. 

Recently i’ve been at quite a few events like this, both as a guest and as the entertainment (i’m a singer if you didn’t know already) and it’s been brill. There’s nothing better than an excuse to celebrate, get dressed up and dance! But all this socialising (drinking) has taken its toll on my body and my skin, which is less than ideal when there’s a camera pointed your way! So, recently its been operation rehabilitation. The summer stops for no one and parties/nights out are every other night SO it’s time to fix up to look sharp (see what I did there? 😉 ) 

So, time to clear up this skin. My face has definitely suffered recently, full make up and dehydration is a disastrous combination for anyone, especially someone acne prone. I’ve had a fair few breakouts in the past month. THIS routine has been my cure, spritzing Lush goodies in the morning and my Origins clay face mask at night. Usually i apply the masque on when I’m in the tub, i’ll let it soak in and drive the blackheads out. This mask is worth the hype. 

There really is nothing a good pamper can’t cure. I’ve been using these Bumble and Bumble products to rehydrate and restyle my hair over the past month. This gorgeous coconut scented masque has really repaired my tired, sun damaged hair. Secondly, i’ve been using a grooming creme to boost my hairs tired and lank appearance. It’s a gorgeous and easy to use product. Comb it through wet hair to reinstall vitality. 

Basically this post is TLC. If you’re anything like me, this summer has been hugely busy and it’s more important than ever to chill out and treat yourself well. 

What’s your top tip for restoring summer skin/hair?

Lots of love
Katy xoxo