People often write about the life-changing magic of not giving a fuck. We’re meant to salute this band of nae-carers, to commend them for their ‘I don’t give a shit’ attitude. Buy into the propaganda, re-blog, re-pin, re-affirm. Try not to give a fuck ourselves (or at least, to appear not to) all the while, of course, giving more hypothetical ‘fucks’ than ever. I want to talk about the lost art of giving a fuck.
This is not the type of slogan you’re going to see splurged across social media. It’s not going to be printed on journals, badges, tote bags and t-shirts. It won’t sell because, I suppose, it’s always going to be cooler not to care; to appear unaffected by the politics of muddling through.
There are hundreds of things that I categorically do not give a fuck about. A vague shortlist is as follows: whoever went out in last week’s X Factor, Midsummer Murders, Gala Bingo, The Real Housewives of Potomac (where even is Potomac?), Kylie Jenner’s lipstick range, dog clothing, shoelaces, Susan Boyle’s pop career, the Vegan crusade. There is, however, a much longer, much more sobering, list of things that I will always care about. Unashamedly, unapologetically…
Firstly, I’d like to clarify that I do understand claiming not to give a fuck is more complicated than simply not caring. I suppose this declaration is more an affirmation that you are, in some way, unaffected by the ‘ag’ associated with emotional investment. A statement of armour against the various trivialities of everyday interactions. And, I get it. I can’t count how many times I’ve tried to convince myself that I ought to be unaffected by other people’s opinions, by their words, their criticism. It’s easier said than done, and sometimes, yes, we do need to reject the negativity poised against us.
But, here’s my two cents. We are human beings, warm-blooded and hard wired to give a shit. It’s not something we should be ashamed of. People say there is an art to not giving a fuck. I disagree. Not giving a fuck is, actually no art-form. It doesn’t warrant a pat on the back, a high-five. Because to simply say you do not care is to miss the point. There is a difference between being indifferent and being okay with being different.
Give all the fucks, put your all into achieving the things you want to achieve. Invest your love and time in the people who matter most and use any negativity you encounter to propel your own success. After all, the best fuck you is being happy.
This is something i’m slowly learning myself…There will always be someone in the front row waiting to see you fall. Things won’t always be perfect (very rarely, actually) and sometimes shit actually just happens, but only you have the power to let that define your experience. To say you don’t give a fuck is to detract from your own strength.
It’s okay to care what people think. To want someone to see what you’ve got to offer, to share what you’ve got to give. It’s also okay to accept when you’re getting nowhere and re-adjust. To give a little more time to the people and the things that make you feel invincible and a little less attention to the opinions you cannot change. Give a fuck, if you can. Give a fuck until you have no more fucks to give because you are happy or because you have given it your best shot and realise you deserve better.
Be the person who cares too much. It’s not a weakness and it could be your biggest strength. It’ll be the reason people can’t stand you and the reason people love you. But you’ll never succeed if you don’t want to. If you don’t give a fuck.
All the love,